looking for lavender

dangerously beautiful

2011-02-04T05:35:00.000-08:00

It is such a pretty sight that I feel like dancing in the snow.

But, remember, this is very tricky. Underneath the beautiful snow on the road, there are lots of ice patches which may trip you anytime when you are not cautious. I definitely don't want to drive in such a condition. I did it past Wednesday, trying my luck going on an ice covered highway to work, and had a heart freezing experience!!! I drove as slow as 30 miles/hour, kept steadying the steering wheel, but still it was really, really, scary drive for sure. Is it worth risking my life? What will money mean to me if I am killed in a car accident? I am the one, not anyone else, who has to bear a consequence for my own decision.

I know this may be nothing to some people who are used to driving in icy road conditions, but I don't care what other people say or do. This is my life. The beautiful winter landscape is nice to view from inside my house, but not from inside my car.

my daughter's happy life in Japan

2011-01-09T13:06:00.000-08:00

photos taken by my daughter in Tokyo

sunrise on new year's day

2011-01-01T06:04:00.001-08:00

It is a Japanese tradition to watch sunrise on New Year's Day wishing for happiness and wellness for the new year.

I went for a drive and stopped my car along a road where I could have a clear view of sunrise. This photo may look like just an ordinary morning scene, but it was a glorious, unforgettable moment to me as I prayed for happiness and wellness for my family while watching sun coming up.

Happy New Year!!!

happy holidays

2010-12-24T13:29:00.001-08:00

My friend in Belgium sent me a beautiful Christmas slide show (total of 15 pages with a Christmas song). I want to upload it to share with anyone who happens to be here, but don't know how (sorry, I am computer illiterate). This picture is just one of them. Anyway,

Merry Christmas!

my momorika

2010-11-30T18:59:00.000-08:00

My daughter sent me such a cute birthday present from Japan!!

I named her "momorika" meaning "Rika (girl's name) in pink."

Isn't she adorable??

dreaming water

2010-11-28T15:51:00.000-08:00

I started reading "Dreaming Water" by Gail Tsukiyama this morning and couldn't put it down until I finished. It is a very touching, lyrical, beautiful story told in three different voices.

Hana, the main character of this story, her Japanese American father, Max, and her Italian American mother, Cate: they all experience hardships, some beyond imagination. Max and his family at a Japanese internment camp during WWII. Cate in anguish over people's prejudice against her husband just because of his being Japanese. And, their beloved daughter, Hana, suffering from a cruel incurable disease.

How can they be so determined and positive against all odds? How can they remain so calm and tolerant despite all the terrible things that happened to them? How can they not stop providing unconditional love with one another? I am so grateful to Gail Tsukiyama for describing Max as an open-minded, warm-hearted, intelligent Japanese American, who makes me proud of my heritage.

Their courage has touched me deep inside and inspired me that I can be like them if I never let hardships get me down.

pumpkin pie

2010-11-26T08:58:00.000-08:00

Cooking is not my hobby, and the kitchen is not my favorite place in my house. That's why I bake a pumpkin pie once a year just for thanksgiving. My son loves to eat it with plenty of whip cream on top.

I miss a pumpkin dish my mom prepares in winter, diced cut pumpkins boiled long in a low heat with soy sauce and sugar. It is a typical winter dish for Japanese family. I tried it once using a regular pumpkin from a local store, but it came out nothing like the one my mom cooked. Then I realized I had to use an Asian pumpkin for that recipe.

strange climate

2010-11-22T17:15:00.000-08:00

One more week and it will be December. Yet, the temperature is going up to 70s in midday, people are wearing summer clothes, and the air-conditioning is set to cooler, not warmer, at this time of the year!? I personally prefer warmer climate, but this is very strange! November in Texas is usually chilly, the temperature can go as low as 30s at night, and a winter jacket is needed to stay warm. What's going on? I don't really like this.

happy birthday

2010-11-17T16:31:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to me!!

mist

2010-10-29T17:27:00.001-07:00

It was when I was on the way to work, a little before sunrise. On my left I saw the mist covering the lake. If I had not been driving, I would have taken the picture of it. It was just, incredibly beautiful.

twilight

2010-10-27T17:40:00.000-07:00

In the morning, I leave home a little after seven to work. The commute is about 45 minutes drive on highway. Although I don't particularly like driving, I love this time of the day as I get to witness the sky changing its face from dawn to twilight to sunrise. You never fail to feel thrilled when you see a subtle, gradual, but steady change in the sky.

Dark blue will slowly become indigo. Indigo will soon turn into blue violet. Then, you will see the sun comes up in the east, gradually brightens up the sky. I think the sky looks most beautiful when it is painted with the colors graded into one another, just before the sunrise.

I wish I could seize this magical moment of the morning and put it on the wall in my house.

contradicting

2010-10-20T17:47:00.000-07:00

A man who makes his living by selling Asian products uses discriminatory words towards Asian people.

A therapist in a skilled nursing facility who gets very good pay thanks to the Government medical insurance (Medicare) harshly critisizes Obama's healthcare reform as she believes an option for the Government insurance would ruin the whole system.

Can't they realize what they are doing is contradicting?

watch out for abdominal fat

2010-10-19T18:49:00.000-07:00

I came across the following informative website:

"Abdominal fat and what to do about it"

Fat accumulating around your abdominal area can be really annoying. I feel heavy and clumsy because of this "middle-age spread." It is not just ugly but can cause health problems as well. I must do something before it is too late. Seriously!

gullible

2010-10-11T16:28:00.000-07:00

When we were talking about the meanings of people's first name during our break at work, a guy told us that his name had the meaning of "killing the cow." I thought it sounded horrible so made a face and said, "oh, no." Seeing my reaction, some of them burst into laughter and said to him, "that's funny!" Only then I realized he got me. I felt embarrased and told them that I was often said to be gullible.

"No, I don't think you are gullible. By the way, do you know the word "gullible" was originally not in the dictionary?" He said to me.

"Really?" was my response.

Hearing their laughing made me realize that I was tricked again.

See? I told you that I am gullible.

age is catching up with me...

2010-10-10T06:27:00.001-07:00

I feel exhausted at the end of the day.
My brain refuses to take in new information.
Overall physical strength and endurance have declined.
It takes me much longer to make judgment or take actions than before.

Oh, no. Age is catching up with me!

one step at a time

2010-09-29T07:26:00.000-07:00

I don't know much about politics and economy, but at least I can see something is wrong with immigrant policy in this country.

If illegal immigrants are to be punished, so are their employers, because what they are doing is illegal as well. Illegal immigrants support the US economy from the bottom by working in farms or construction sites at unreasonably low pay. A lot of employers say they need illegal immigrant work force because not many Americans are willing to work with such low wages.

In that case, why not providing illegal immigrants with work visa/permit to make their status legal? It would be better if the employers could offer them medical insurance, too, so that our tax money does not have to be spent to cover the medical services for those who are uninsured. With this, we can cut unnecessary Government spending and also deal with illegal immigrant issues.

If these employers cannot afford to provide their employees with medical insurance, there should be an option of Government insurance as Obama has suggested.

I know it is easier said than done, but we must take one step at a time, instead of kicking out all the illegal immigrants, which I believe is not a real solution to this problem.

"departures"

2010-09-20T06:17:00.000-07:00

"Departures" is a surprisingly beautiful, heart-warming movie. When I first watched the trailer, I had a kind of impression that this movie was a bit too depressing to enjoy. But, I was completely wrong about that. Although it deals with inevitable death of human beings, it tells us life and death are interconnected and inseparable, thus death is just part of our life and nothing to be afraid of.

The main characters played by Motoki and Yamazaki made this movie so unforgettable. The two men appear different in many ways, yet they have one thing in common: professionalism. They have a strong pride in their occupation no matter how people look at them. They have a passion for their job. All these naturally come from deep inside them. It is very touching to see how they show their respect to a deceased and his/her family during the ceremony.

This is definitely one of the greatest and must see Japanese movies.

pain, pain, pain

2010-09-11T15:52:00.000-07:00

One of my upper left teeth was in a pretty bad shape and had to be extracted. I had a few teeth pulled out before so didn't worry about it so much. But, this time it really hurt!! It did!

It's been five days since extraction, but sore never seems to go away. I am taking an antibiotics for the infection together with pain pills, which cause stomach upset. This really makes me miserable and depressed. Now I understand the sufferings of my patients who are in constant pain or physical distress. The pain falls on me like rain.

Pain, pain, pain, please leave me alone!

road rage remedy

2010-08-30T16:44:00.000-07:00

No one will deny that one hour highway drive during the rush hour can make drivers crazy. I know music is road rage remedy to a lot of people. I do listen to my favorite radio stations or CDs to keep cool in my car stuck in the traffic.

Another thing I do behind the wheel is driver watching. I look at the driver in the car behind whose face is reflected on my front mirror and imagine what type of person he or she is, how old, what kind of job he/she has, or if he/she is married with children, etc. This really helps me get over road rage.

By the way, do you know what type of drivers I hate most? Those who do text messaging!! I can't believe they text message while driving!! It's nothing to be proud of. Don't you think you are a multi-tasker. It is extremely dangerous. Stop right now, or you will be sorry later. At least, don't get other drivers involved!!!!!

give me sugar

2010-08-28T20:10:00.000-07:00

When Mr. A, my patient, saw me approaching, he said, "Give me sugar." I thought he wanted sugar for his coffee or tea so suggested him that we go to the kitchen to get it. Then, a nursing aid listening to our conversation chuckled and said to me, "No, what he meant was that he wanted you to kiss him."

I know he likes to flatter me but never expected that! Does "give me sugar" really mean "kiss me?" I looked up online dictionaries but found no such definition. I am known for being gullible, so am I made fun of again?

turtle yoga

2010-08-26T12:57:00.001-07:00

Our pet Russian Turtle can do various Yoga poses! This is one of his favorite poses. Doesn't he look like meditating?

sweet talkers

2010-08-24T16:13:00.000-07:00

There are a couple of sweet talkers in my workplace. They make me happy by calling me "beautiful young lady" or "pretty lady." I know I am a middle-aged plain woman, but I want to feel good about myself, imagining being a pretty lady flattered by gentlemen!

laguna beach

2010-08-18T18:05:00.001-07:00

We made a five-day trip to Southern California and spent a couple of hours at Laguna beach.

The beach sand is creamy white and the water is emerald green, it is so beautiful that you wish you could stay there forever. But!!!! it is mid August, and the water is freezing cold! I tried a few times to swim but my body got stiff in the icy water so gave up. When I came out I found my skin red from the cold water. I saw some snorkelers in a wet suit. I should have known that!!!

So, when is the best time to swim at Laguna beach without a wet suit?

family of four

2010-08-08T18:46:00.000-07:00

My son is back from Japan, and my daughter is with us here! It's sooooo nice to be four of us again!! We are having so much fun talking and laughing. She seems more mature and calm, but never loses her peculiar sense of humor. She is good at making fun of me without offending me. Isn't it something? Thank you for being yourself, my dearest daughter!

addiction

2010-07-29T11:20:00.000-07:00

There are patients in my workplace who once were a substance abuser. Some were alcoholic, others were addicted to drugs. They were also heavy smokers.

I don't drink alcohol. I tried some cigarettes out of curiousity when I was young, but never found it good. Drugs, I have no idea how they are since I never ever tried them in my whole life.

Yet, I understand their craving for those things. Because I am also addicted, but not to alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs. It is CHOCOLATE!!! My day will not start without having a chocolate candy or two. When I am exhausted or feeling down, chocolate lifts me up. When I am upset or mad, chocolate calms me down.

Chocolate is my life saver, I owe you forever!

loneliness

2010-07-21T19:52:00.001-07:00

All of sudden, I am overwhelmed by extreme loneliness.

My son is leaving for Japan where he will stay with his grandparents (my parents). Then, my daughter will join him flying back to the US and stay with us for a month during her summer break from college. My parents are so excited to see their grandson, and my son is looking forward to visiting a lot of places in Tokyo. I should be happy for them, but I can't help feeling lonely when I think of my son gone for two weeks.

It's been more than one year since I visited my daughter in Japan, so I can't wait to have her here. Yet, I feel sad when I think of the day I have to see her off at the airport.

Am I selfish to wish my family could be always together so that I would not have to say good bye to any of them? At least, could we live close enough so that I could visit them anytime I want?

talking to you

2010-07-11T05:11:00.000-07:00

"What do you like to do when you are free?" I asked my patient, Mr. A, hoping to get information about his favorite activities in the nursing home.

"What I am doing now," said Mr. A.

I was not sure what he meant so had to ask him a question which might sound silly, "What are you doing now?"

Then, he said,

"Talking to you."

Oh.

I love my job.

star festival

2010-07-07T07:02:00.000-07:00

July 7th is the day people in Japan celebrate "Tanabata," a star festival. I miss the tradition, write our wishes on "tanzaku," small strips of paper in various colors, and hang them on bamboo branches together with paper decorations.

When I was little, we celebrated "Tanabata" at kindergarten in the evening of July 7th. We folded paper into different shapes to decorate bamboo branches. I was not good at arts and crafts, but loved the feelings of crips paper in gold and silver. We wore Yukata and sang a "Tanabata" song on the day. At the end of the festival, I felt sad because I could not take home the bamboo branches full of colorful paper decorations. Teachers explained to me that those belonged to the kindergarten so remained there.

"Tanabata" originated more than 2,000 years ago with an old Chinese tale. Once upon a time, there was a weaver princess named Orihime and a cow herder prince named Hikoboshi. They both were hard working young people. One day, they met and instantly fell in love with each other. However, soon after they got close, they forgot about their jobs and spent time together having fun. That made the king mad, and he separated them on opposite sides of the Amanogawa River (Milky Way). The king allowed them to meet only once a year on the seventh day of the seventh month in the lunar calendar.

When I first heard about the story at kindergarten, I cried because it sounded so sad yet romantic. I was too young to know what a true love was at that time, but felt their sorrow and prayed so that Orihime and Hikoboshi never failed to meet each other on July 7th every year. I closed my eyes and imagined there was a beautiful bridge made of stars over Milky Way, where Orihime and Hikoboshi met in the middle holding hands and looking each other straight in the eye.

hand made earings for summer

2010-06-29T16:25:00.000-07:00

I love the feeling of earings dangling and dancing when I move my head. I found some nice earing parts in a hobby shop so decided to make them myself.

I chose my favorite colors, purple and blue, which were just perfect for the summer season! It was easy and took less than 20 minutes to make them. The best of all, these four pairs of pretty earings cost just 12 dollars all together!

flower lady

2010-06-24T06:23:00.000-07:00

Mrs. A, one of my patients, loves flowers more than anything. She always wears floral blouse in soft colors, putting flowery smile on her face. That is why I secretly call her flower lady.

I love to work with her, she is a pleasant, warm hearted, sweet lady. Alzheimer's is taking her memory away, and she just can't acquire new information even with hundreds of repetitions or visual cues such as calendar, notebook, or signboard. It's not her fault, though. It is Alzheimer's thing, which is beyond her control.

She recognizes my face, but can't remember my name. One day she says, "Your name is Daffodil?" It doesn't mean I look like daffodil. But she thinks my name starts with "d" for some reason.

Her favorite flower is roses. And, she is as beautiful and elegant as roses!

the woods

2010-06-20T05:02:00.000-07:00

"The Woods" by Harlan Coben

Entertaining, thought provoking. A real page turner. It was so hard to put down.

Sometimes, you have to do things you are not supposed to in order to protect your loved ones. Then, you will keep secret for the rest of your life, bearing some of the blame, paying a price. This can happen to everyone, including myself.

You don't want to be hypocritic. But, you also know revealing the truth will hurt your family or friends. It might ruin their life. What do you do, then? I don't think it is just right or wrong. Life is not that simple.

mother, mother, mother

2010-06-12T06:34:00.000-07:00

My patients, three sweet ladies with ages between late eighties and early nineties, are in advanced dementia. Their conditions fluctuate day to day, but there is one thing in common among them: they always talk about their mothers.

Considering their ages, I am pretty sure their mothers are gone, but they talk as if they are still around.

"I am wondering when my mother will come and see me."
"My mother will scold me if I talk loud."
"I like cakes that my mother bakes for me."
"I need to call my mother, but I don't know her number."
"I like my mother. She is nice, and has a funny name."

Their stories about their mothers fascinate me and make me sad at the same time. It is said that we go back to a child when we get old. I guess that is true. My patients are a child again, wanting to feel secured, embraced by their mothers.

right out of reach

2010-06-10T05:52:00.000-07:00

I have word retrieval difficulty, yes, I do. I know it is due to lack of my overall knowledge of English language. First of all, I don't have sufficient vocabulary and idiomatic phrases in my dictionary to express my thoughts with ease. Even I know I have come across the words or phrases somewhere, I just can't let them come out.

When I have such a problem, I have to ask the listener to give me extra time to organize my thoughts. But very often, harder I try, harder it gets to retrieve words. That's what is happening to me lately. Maybe it's my age. Maybe my brain is just too exhausted to function well. Maybe it's just lack of efforts to improve my English competency. Anyway, it is really frustrating and dissapointing.

And then, I found this expression in "The Woods" by Harlan Coben, which I have just started reading.

"The answer was here somewhere, just hiding, just around that mental corner."
"Right out of reach."

Wow, that's exactly how I feel when I am experiencing difficulty in finding right words/phrases!

B, C & D

2010-06-05T10:36:00.001-07:00

I am not talking about my son's grades at school. It's Vitamin B, C & D, dietary supplement I have been taking lately.

I used to believe I did not need any supplement as far as I ate healthy. But now, I need these to boost up my metabolism and immune system. Two hours commute and eight hours work drain me off at the end of each day. Even during weekends, I feel so tired that I don't feel like going out for fun. Being an outdoor lover, the last thing I want on weekend is to stay at home. But nowadays I just can't get myself step out of the house unless someone drags me.

Where is my energy gone? I am totally stressed out. I want my life back! Give me a BREAK!!!

gives me hope

2010-05-31T16:33:00.000-07:00

www.givesmehope.com

My son gave me a note that included URL of the above website.

I visited there without knowing its contents, and was deeply touched by the stories filled with courageous, thoughtful, selfless acts.

My dear son and daughter, I want you to know that you two give me hope by being what you are.

the answer is

2010-05-30T19:14:00.000-07:00

I love my patients' sense of humor (or, are they just honest?).

"What would you do if you suddenly feel a sharp pain when you are alone in your room?"

I asked a patient (Mrs. A) who had mild cognitive deficits and required assistance in daily life for her physical disability.

"Do nothing," she answered.

"Well, is there any way that you get help from nursing staff?" I asked her again, expecting that she would mention the use of call light.

Then, she flatly said,

"You know, I push the call light and wait for about 20 minutes, but no one would come to help me. That's why I will do nothing."

Mr. B and I were talking about the purposes of rehabilitation he would receive in the nursing home. When I explained to him that I, as an SLP, would help him increase memory and communication skills, he smiled and said to me,

"And I will help you earn money."

bidam!

2010-05-16T19:03:00.000-07:00

I am watching a Korean historical drama "Queen Seon Duk" (62 episodes), and totally fascinated by the story. Of all the characters, I find Bidam so irresistible. Isn't he gorgeous? (Photos from the scenes in episode 44.)

i am a fob

2010-05-14T05:59:00.000-07:00

"Hey Mom, this is a great website that I want you to take a look at."
My son took me to the computer and showed me the website called "My Mom is a Fob."

My very first question was, "what does 'fob' mean?"

OK, I got it. The definition of "fob" in urbandictionary.com is: a degrading term for people not up to date on the culture, meaning you still carry your sense of fashion from your country which clashes with the current countries cultures.

Here is another definition: stands for "Fresh Off the Boat"; refers to immigrants who once came to America by boat. In its general sense, it may be applied to any immigrant; but recently, there seems to be a consensus to apply it only to Asian immigrants.

Well, I have to admit I AM a FOB. And, I love "My Mom is a Fob." This is hilarious! I feel so at home finding there are lots of Asian moms just like me!

upgraded version

2010-05-07T17:01:00.001-07:00

"Mom, many of my friends tell me that I look like you."

I know my son, you are not too happy about their comments.

Well, good news is that you are an upgraded version of me. Your features are far more advanced, enhanced, better in appearance, and higher in quality.

a love story in my dream

2010-04-28T17:18:00.000-07:00

I had a very vivid dream last night. It was a love story of a couple I never met in real life.

A young Japanese woman fell in love with a Chinese colleague when she was posted to a trading company in China. They wanted to spend the rest of their life together, but their conservative parents and relatives did not approve their relationship. The couple had endless discussions about what to do, but could not come up with any better idea than going separate ways. The woman cried until she lost her voice, the man spent sleepless nights missing his ex lover. Yet, they could not have a courage to go against their family's opposition. Then, the woman went back to Japan upon completion of assignment in China.

They never contacted each other until the woman returned to China on a business trip a few years later. They decided to meet at their favorite restaurant near the company they used to work together. They were too emotional to say a word, just looking each other into the tearly eyes.

That was the end of the dream, and I never get to know what happened to them after that. I don't know if it is anything to do with my own experience a few years before I got married. I made friends with a Chinese student, later we started going out. He was very serious about our relationship and expressed his wish to live with me in China. But we both knew that was not a realistic idea considering our situations. Upon completing his master's program in Japan, he had to go back to his country so we had no choice but to break up. I still remember the days we were together, though.

I wonder if my ex lover wanted to send me a message through my dream...

patience

2010-04-25T14:38:00.000-07:00

When my friends learn that I am working in a SNF, they say "you must have patience to work with old folks." Well, I don't think I am specially patient, but I like being with them. They share with me lots of interesting stories about their personal experiences and teach me important lessons about life. When people age, they will lose certain abilities that you used to enjoy at youth, but they will have wisdom that only years and years of experiences can provide.

Although I feel I can work in a SNF forever, I kind of feel guilty about my parents who live alone in Japan. They have no one else but me to turn to when they are in trouble as I am their only child. My daughter at college in Japan may be able to give them occasional support, but I don't think it is fair for me to expect her to take care of my parents on my behalf. I often ask myself: I am helping old people here leaving my parents alone somewhere so far away that I am able to see them only once a year. Is it right? Is it wrong?

I wish I could visit my parents more often just to see them doing OK. I wish I could be of help to them when they really need the one. But, I also know that we might have some rough days if we are together under the same roof, which once happened a long time ago. I can be patient with my clients in the SNF, but not with my own parents. I know it sounds sad, but that is true.

what do I know about this country?

2010-04-18T15:08:00.000-07:00

My Japanese friend from NY came to Texas for a conference and we had lunch together before she returned. She has been living in NY for nearly 20 years but never lived anywhere else except for Virginia where She got her doctor's degree a long time ago.

She felt Texas was different from New York in many ways. In New York, you see different minority groups everywhere until no one cares. Over there, you hear people speaking English with various accents that tell where they are from, so you are less conscious about your own accent. People there are more agressive and competetive, while people in Texas are more laid back and kind to strangers. That's the impression she had while she stayed here for a few days.

I never lived anywhere else besides Texas so I have no way to tell how people in other places are, but at least I can tell Texans are hospitable in general. However, I often feel I am a "minority" here, if not for a racial descrimination or prejudice. I feel people here are more conservative and not readily accept changes or differences, compared to the ones living in the big cities with cultural diversity.

My friend and I feel we don't really know about the US. But then, what is "real" US? If it is not NY or Texas, where can we find "a norm or standard" of this country?

till death do them part

2010-04-17T05:48:00.000-07:00

What I like about working in a skilled nursing facility is that I see the drama of life in every patient. Some have had hardships, some have had a good life. Some have experienced a broken marriage, some have remained loyal to his/her spouse. What an amazing thing, life is.

I have a female patient in her late 80's on NPO (tube feeding). I am working on pleasure feed with her once a day, providing her with her favorite ice cream. Whenever I visits her, her husband is there sitting beside her, smiling at and talking to her gently. I really like to see them close together, they are the sweetest couple I have ever seen.

I am impressed that they have been married for 70 years!! Although she is in the advanced stage of Alzheimer's, there are times that we feel she does understand what we are saying. Sometimes she clearly says "OK" when I tells her "I will get you ice cream, OK?" She occasionally has eye contact with us, and she gently squeezes her husband's hand when he holds hers.

We never know what will happen to her a week after, or even one day after, but we don't want to give up our hope. Her husband is very supportive and positive, which makes therapy sessions more meaningful.

I know they will be together till death do them part.

used to be a quick learner, but

2010-04-08T06:41:00.000-07:00

My contract with a skilled nursing facility started last week. Patients, colleagues, rules, paperwork...Everything is new to me and each day I am struggling.

When I was young I was pretty quick to learn stuff and had strong memory skills, but not any more. I tried to remember new terms by repeating them a few times, but next day I could recall only some of them. How challenging it is for me to learn new things! Sometimes I feel so disappointed at my incompetency that I want to hide somewhere no one can find me.

As an SLP, I am providing cognitive rehabilitation for those who exhibit cognitive deficits in the areas of problem solving, short term memory, executive function, etc. Well, I guess I need therapy for myself...

good, energetic, and caring

2010-03-26T17:50:00.000-07:00

My colleagues gave me touching farewell messages on my last day with them. I especially liked the one from my favorite nurse, "We will miss you very much. You are a good, energetic, and caring person."

My dear F, I will never forget your kind words. Please take care of yourself till we meet again someday, somewhere...

go for it!

2010-03-23T06:39:00.000-07:00

Today's head line news: President Obama will sign sweeping health care reform legislation into law at the White House on Tuesday, according to two Democratic officials familiar with the planning (CNN).

Yeah, go for it!!! The current health care has too many problems to meet the needs of majority in the US (only well-to-do people getting benefit from it), so why not trying to fix it? I trust the president's capability.

crazy weather!

2010-03-21T06:27:00.000-07:00

Flowers in pretty colors having started blooming, temperature reaching high 60s midday, and I feel like whistling happy tunes welcoming warm spring.

Then,

We are having snow, again!?!?

What a crazy weather. I just can't believe it. What if the road gets icy again, how am I going to drive to workplace tomorrow? Oh, no.

i don't need your help, but...

2010-03-18T18:01:00.000-07:00

Believe or not, today I had four new evaluations besides therapy with seven patients! It's been just crazy, I almost wanted to scream out of frustration. It is, of course, better to be busy than bored, though.

One patient asked me why I needed to evaluate him, so I told him that evaluation would help me decide if there was any area that he required help.

Then, he smiled and said,

"I don't need your help, but I love you."

Oh... I am flattered!

beautiful

2010-03-14T08:03:00.000-07:00

I was moved to tears when I first time heard this song.

We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down

Thank you, Linda Perry and Christina Aguilera, for your beautiful song that lifts my spirits so high that I feel like nothing can stop me.

hard deicision

2010-03-13T08:11:00.001-08:00

I am quite happy with my workplace. I have made friends with some colleagues who call me "sister." I also have built a good rapport with most of patients. Every time Mrs. A, one of my patients, sees me she says, "Where have you been? I miss you so much when you are not around."

Oh, I will miss them all, really. It will break my heart, but I need to move on.

I am leaving the company for a contract assignment with an agency, which gives me more diverse experience in different environments. Although I like the current workplace, I kind of feel I have little opportunity to grow as a professional. That's why I need to make this hard decision, leaving them for another place to gain more confidence and competence.

I will cherish each and every minute of the remaining two weeks with my colleagues and patients. Thank you very much for your support during my time with you. I will miss you all!!

forget-me-not

2010-03-06T10:57:00.000-08:00

Mr. B, one of my patients, loved gardening when he was living in his home with his wife. As part of therapeutic activity we talked about flowers and plants he tended. His favorite flowers were carnation and forget-me-not.

Oh, forget-me-not!! I wish I could give this flower to someone whom I miss so much.

kids with different ethnic backgrounds

2010-02-27T13:56:00.000-08:00

"What is your race?" "What is your ethnic background?"

These questions are not easy for kids of inter-racial marriage to answer. My son is mixed blood, so is his girl friend. My son's best friend is also mixed blood, and his girl friend, too. I have no idea if these two couples tie the knot in the future, but if they ever do, their kids will have four different ethnic backgrounds.

I hear some kids have difficulty accepting their identity influenced by their two (or more) different ethnic backgrounds. They can't be simply "white," "black," "hispanic," "Asian," or ethnically
"French," "Italian," "Korean," "Vietnamese," or "Japanese." Some racial surveys allow them to choose more than one racial groups, which seems more reasonable and realistic in this diverse society. However, there still exists some negative views about mixed blood, and because of those narrow minded people, kids with two (or more) different ethnic backgrounds feel lost or can't find the place where they comfortably fit.

After all, it is the heart that matters most, right?

the sky is the limit

2010-02-26T06:17:00.000-08:00

"He told me that the sky is the limit. I can sore like an eagle if I try hard."

One of my patients referred to the word that the contract therapist gave her before he left us for another travel assignment. I like that. The sky is the limit. How encouraging!

vegetables & pasta

2010-02-24T05:36:00.000-08:00

One of my patients, Mrs. A, loves cooking and gave me this great recipe of vegetables & pasta so I tried. Ingredients are zucchini, tomatos, onions, mushrooms, and pasta of your choice. Stir fry vegetables with extra virgin olive oil splinkling salt and pepper, then mix it with boiled pasta. Preparation is simple, and it tastes gorgeous!

"While I was Gone"

2010-02-20T10:05:00.000-08:00

"While I was Gone" by Sue Miller

Jo has a career she enjoys, a loving husband, three grown daughters, and a beautiful house.

She is quite content with what she has, yet, the idea of "getting old" occasionally makes her restless and shaky, wanting to run away from her life. Then, she reencounters the man she used to know when she was young and becomes attracted to him. She fantasizes about him, imagining her having an affair with him. She almost believes he feels the same, then realizes things take totally unexpected turns.

When people get older, they become more sensible and realistic, knowing what will happen next. Jo misses the days when she and her friends did not know what would happen next, the gift of youth. She longs for "that sense of a surprise, that heady sense of not knowing, that gift of a possible turn in the path."

She assures herself that she would be faithful in marriage. But that could change if there are "circumstances so compelling, so out of the ordinary run of the possible."

I would surely have hated and despised Jo if I had read this novel ten years earlier. But now, I can relate to her as both she and I are going through a midlife crisis. I can't make myself condemn her for her unethical and selfish act, because I understand how she feels.

i cried when my daughter said...

2010-02-15T06:00:00.000-08:00

I regularly call my daughter in Japan to see how she is doing. She seems quite happy with her life over there, a little anxious but really excited about going to college starting this April. Then, she said,

"I want to buy some stuff for my dormitory. Mom, I wish you were here with me. Remember, we used to go for shopping together, and I really miss those days."

Her words made tears flowing out of my eyes. You know, I also terribly miss you. I always think of you. You are 12-hour-flight away, separated by Pacific Ocean, and I hate flying. Still, I often feel like jumping on a plane just to see you.

I love you, my dearest daughter.

gone with the wind

2010-02-13T19:31:00.000-08:00

One day he came and cast a spell on us. No one could resist his charm.

Now he is gone with the wind, and I can't stop crying deep inside me. I am afraid it will take a while for me to get used to life without him.

I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.

What have you done to us? Why did you have to do this to me?

hazadously beautiful

2010-02-12T05:46:00.000-08:00

It started snowing early Thursday morning and created beautiful winter scenery.

I don't mind snowy weather as far as it doesn't cause any inconvenience. The problem is that I have to travel one hour on highway to work, which can be really scary in this weather. I am watching news closely and will wait until the road condition gets a little better.

connection

2010-02-07T06:42:00.000-08:00

People are connected to one another in a mysterious way, that is what I feel.

I became fascinated by India for its very unique culture when I learned about the country in the world history class at high school. At college, I had a boy friend whose dream was to go there for answers to his philosophical questions.

One year after I broke up with him, I traveled to India with my backpack. There, I met very smart, sincere and charming Indian guy, with whom I fell in love instantly. We talked and talked until the time I had to go back to my hotel. We exchanged our address and started writing each other immediately after my stay in India came to an end. However, the more we wrote, the more we realized how different we were in every way. It was not easy at all for me to imagine myself living with him in a country whose culture, language, religion, and life style is so different from mine. I loved him but couldn't overcome these differences.

Now I am married with two children, living in south central in the US where quite a few Indian immigrants live. I have made friends with Indian ladies, and my son's close friend is an Indian boy. I believe we are connected, thanks to my boy friend back in college.

awesome? awful?

2010-02-06T06:40:00.000-08:00

When I was reading email from this "awesome" guy, my son came to me and told me a dreadful story. I almost said "that sounds awesome" but realized my mistake and said "that sounds awful." My son didn't fail to notice my slight hesitation and teased me by saying "hey, I know you wanted to say 'awesome.'"

Well, don't "awesome" and "awful" sound a bit alike?

open-minded person

2010-02-02T04:54:00.000-08:00

I had an opportunity to openly discuss with my colleague about cultural and racial differences. Although we didn't agree on certain issues, he patiently listened to my opinions and tried to understand me. I am glad that I have an open-minded person like him as my friend.

barrier

2010-01-29T18:42:00.000-08:00

Various things can be a barrier for mutual understanding. Differences in language, culture, religion, education, economic and social status, family background, etc. I am the only Asian, one of three non-native speakers of English, and one of very few non-Christians in my workplace.

I think I have built good relationships with most of my colleagues, if not everyone. Still, there are times that I find it difficult to understand them or to make myself understood. It is this loneliness that kills me. No matter how nice and friendly my colleagues are, I can't help feeling the distance from them. Being different is not a bad thing. Yet, I sometimes wish I could belong to their "side" just to feel I am one of them.

It is not easy to be a minority.

truly madly deeply

2010-01-17T15:26:00.000-08:00

I wish I had known them earlier, Savage Garden. Their greatest hit "Truly Madly Deeply" has caught my heart and never let go. The song makes me feel young again, back in my prime time. Oh, I miss those days...

no money, no service...

2010-01-16T06:29:00.000-08:00

speech therapy at skilled nursing facilities is business. We need to make money to keep this business going. I understand this, but can't help feeling helpless when I find out a patient really needs speech therapy but has no source of payer. Therapy may improve quality of life for him/her, but we can't provide services for free.

One patient is so desperate that he came directly to me and requested for therapy, saying the management staff are not listening to him.

What can I do? I truly wish I could help them with therapy, but I am just an employee. What will the corporate say if I decide to go pro bono?

good to be alone

2010-01-08T09:00:00.000-08:00

What I like about my job is flexibility. I work 40 hours per week regardless of days or time. Someday I work 7 hours, someday 8.5 hours, or I can even work on Sunday if I need to take a day off during the weekdays.

So I am off today. It is so good to be alone in my house, monopolizing whole space by myself, spending time just for myself! I love to be with my family, but I need to be alone once in a while.

new year

2010-01-02T12:51:00.000-08:00

New Year.
Feel it, not think too hard.
Be passionate.
Be free and easy.
Forever young at heart.

what about employee's rights?

2009-12-24T07:14:00.000-08:00

There have been a few incidents that made me think real hard about employee's rights.

Yes, I know staff at a skilled nursing facility should make every effort to ensure resident's safety and right and to improve their quality of life. We must avoid any situation that may lead to physical or verbal abuse.

However, there are times when residents make false statements about what staff did, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Some of them have difficulty in making sound judgments secondary to their medical conditions such as psychosis or cognitive deficits. Yet, if they say "this person hit me in the face," the staff
would be investigated and might be suspended without any evidence or witness.

I think it is unfair to the staff, who try hard to provide residents with best care possible. Why can't management people be more cautious in their interpretation of statements made by residents who have mental disorder or cognitive deficits? I don't mean to say that we should not take their words seriously. What I want to say is that we should listen to both sides, the resident and the employee.

bilingual aphasia

2009-12-18T06:30:00.001-08:00

I have a patient who has difficulty in communicating with words due to aphasia. What makes his condition more complicated is that he is Spanish-English bilingual. He stated that he dominantly spoke English prior to stroke. While he was in hospital, however, a Spanish-English bilingual SLP worked with him in Spanish, which helped him increase Spanish proficiency.

Bilingual aphasia is one area that requires further research to get a clear picture. Some patients regain both languages to the premorbid level more or less, some lose one language and retain the other, either it is his/her first or second language, and some uncontrolably mix two languages, which should be differentiated from code mixing. My patient seems to be the third case, as he mixes Spanish and English all the time when he speaks, yet he is not aware of it.

I am really interested in bilingual aphasia and want to gain more experience in this area.

dilemma

2009-12-15T06:00:00.000-08:00

One of my patients had aspiration pneumonia two months in a row. As an SLP, I would like to do anything to minimize the risk of aspiration. However, the care plan manager stresses the resident right, that he has a right to make his own decision on what foods or drinks to take in spite of aspiration risk. We discussed this issue with his family, who agreed to sign the waiver form to allow him to access foods/drinks other than recommended.

The situation is off my hands now. I keep explaining to him how unsafe it is for him to have foods or drinks of his choice as these can cause aspiration. He clearly states he doesn't want to have another pneumonia. Still, he can't stop eating what he wants. It is more like addiction.

I am well aware of the resident right and quality of life issue. Eating his favorite foods is very important to him, and we have no right to deprive him of this type of pleasure. Yet, it is not easy for me to see him eat whatever he likes and later suffer from aspiration pneumonia. It is huge dilemma.

reality

2009-12-10T05:49:00.000-08:00

"Through the rainstorm came sanctuary
And I felt my spirit fly
I had found all of my reality
I realize what it takes..."

"Love is Divine" by Seal gives me courage to face reality.
It can be harsh and cruel, but you can't keep living in a dream forever.

I know I have to accept what I am, because this is reality.

ups and downs

2009-12-05T11:44:00.000-08:00

Life is full of ups and downs. There are times I feel so overwhelmed that I don't know if I can keep going. Still, I manage to find at least one good thing a day. Yesterday was one of the worst days in my life, I felt totally helpless and miserable. Then, a lady with bright smile came to my office and said to me,

"You know, my friend (one of my patients) seems communicating better since she started receiving your therapy."

My heart was deeply touched by her kind words and filled with warmth.

I think I am OK now.

self respect

2009-11-29T06:35:00.000-08:00

I don't like people who keep complaining about everything but take no action to change the situations.
I don't like people who take advantage of other's good will without making any efforts to help themselves.
I don't like people who have no self respect or dignity.

It is your life, after all. Whether making a good or bad choice is up to you. Remember, however, you have only one life to live.

I would like to live my life to the fullest and hope you feel the same.

stranger in me

2009-11-19T17:27:00.000-08:00

There is a stranger in me when I am in the workplace. Most of the residents there don't know much about my private life. If they ask me, I will tell them. If they don't, I won't. I am not secretive, though.

It is as if I go back and forth between a real world and a dream world everyday. It's an exciting and a little bit strange experience.

be yourself

2009-11-13T05:00:00.000-08:00

Be yourself no matter what they say.

(from "Englishman in New York" by Sting)

you are my inspiration

2009-11-07T05:26:00.000-08:00

You give me hope. You give me courage. You give me a different view of life.

Thank you for sharing a moment with me. You are my inspiration.

hurrhah, Joy Behar!

2009-10-28T07:10:00.000-07:00

Joy Behar, thank you for your strong support for OUR president Obama! Yes, we need to let bullies know how tough and smart Obama is. I never give up a hope for the better health care system that Obama suggests. I will stand by you no matter what, Obama!

Her opinion can be read in the following website:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/OPINION/10/26/obama.behar.bullies/index.html

i am in love

2009-10-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

I am madly in love with...Seal!! Life would be boring without his music. "Best: 1991-2004" is a lifesaver, which I listen to during my daily commute to work.

my favorite songs from the album are: "Crazy" "Kiss From A Rose" "Prayer For The Dying" "My Vision" "Get It Together" "Human Beings" and "Future Love Paradise"

Oh, his voice sounds soooooo sexy!

full of prejudice

2009-10-18T06:18:00.000-07:00

If you want to know what could happen to an interracial couple in this country, please read the following news article:

Justice stands by refusal to give interracial couple license to wed

My goodness! This guy is full of prejudice!!! I don't think he is qualified as a justice of the peace.

He explained that he did not marry the couple because he was concerned for the children who might be born of the relationship and that, in his experience, most interracial marriages don't last.

I have to point out that his experience is very limited. As far as I know, any marriages can go wrong. If you really think interracial marriages last shorter than same-race marriages, hear this. My husband's friend is a white guy, who first married to a white woman but divorced a few years later. Then, he met an Asian woman and married her. He and his wife have been together since then for more than twenty five years!

Don't impose your wrong belief on other people just to ruin their future. I have seen more than enough broken marriages whether it is interracial or same-race. Don't tell me you are not a racist. Open your mind and see the big picture, please. The real problem is not the difference in race, but the fragile mind of people who can't tolerate slight faults of their partners or who rush to get married without careful consideration.

american indians

2009-10-17T08:52:00.000-07:00

One resident approached me one day and said, "I heard from Mr. A (another resident) that you are an American Indian."

Wow, I never have imagined that I could ever be mistaken for an American Indian, though I am often mistaken for Chinese or Vietnamese. I believe American Indians are one of the most beautiful people in the world. Their sharp face line, mesmerizing eyes, straight fine nose, and the shape of the lips showing their strong will.

I was fascinated by the elegance, the agility and the stoicism American Indians posses when I watched the movies like "Dances with Wolves" or "The Last of the Mohicans." Since then, I have a strong admiration for them.

Their way of life and beliefs are intriguing. I read books about their history, myths and traditions and found some similarity between them and Japanese. We both respect wisdom of old generations, love harmony with nature and value cooperation more than competition.

Their traditional music is an inspiration to me. My soul is shaken by their strong chanting and the beat of the drum and the beautiful tune of the flute.

"I've Loved You So Long"

2009-10-13T14:49:00.000-07:00

I cried and cried until I almost retched watching the movie "I've Loved You So Long." My hatred toward Juliette, seemingly cold-hearted woman, turned into love for her after I found out what had really happened.

"The real prision is the death of your own child."

I could feel her agony and desperation as a mother watching her son suffering from endless pain. Juliette could have been me. I am a mother of two children, and my son used to have severe asthma attacks when he was little. It was nothing but torture for me to see him suffering from the attack. I felt helpless and blamed myself for his sufferings countless of times. He should not have gone through this hell. I was the one who should have. That was what came across my mind whenever my son had an asthma attack.

Fortunately, he has outgrown asthma and now is very healthy active young man. The only difference between Juliette and me is that my son regained his health and her son did not. What she did is legally unacceptable, but I might have done the same thing as she did if my child were in her son's place...

intuitive

2009-10-06T05:02:00.000-07:00

"You are intuitive."

A patient told me during the session yesterday.

"Am I?"

"Yes, you are intuitive," and he smiled.

It is always nice to hear a compliment.

Thank you, Mr. H, you made my day!

confusion - mystery of the brain

2009-09-29T06:34:00.001-07:00

One day the patient was alert and engaged well in therapeutic activities. The next day, he seemed confused, was unable to carry a normal conversation at all.

What happened to him? He acted as if he were a completely different person. I immediately reported the nurse about his bizzare behaviors, and later that day he was sent to the hospital where he was treated and discharged a day later.

Confusion may be caused by fluid and electrolyte imbalance, lack of sleep, low blood suger, nutritional deficiencies, or sudden drop in body temperature. With several medical problems including kidney malfuncion and a severe skin problem which causes a chronic pain, he might experience confusion anytime.

He was back to himself when I saw him yesterday. He even told me that, while in hospital, he had tried to do some cognitive exercises that he had been doing with me so as not to worsen his brain function. He is high functioning with very mild cognitive deficits. I am relieved to know he has come out of confusion quickly, but you never know when it might happen to him again...

Thank you, Pandora Radio

2009-09-23T18:24:00.000-07:00

The first thing I do when I come home from work is to turn on "Pandora Radio" and tune into my favorite station. I didn't know this online radio program until my son told me about it. Now I can't live without this!!!

I don't know how it works, but this program is so smart that it instantly selects your kind of music with just one keyword. I guarantee that you never get disappointed with the selection.

I used "Desert Rose" by Sting, one of my favorite songs, as a keyword to creat my station. "Desert Rose" station provides popular numbers by Sting and Police, as well as "Kiss From A Rose" by Seal, "Here With Me" by Dido, "The Lady in Red" by Chris De Burgh, "Where The Streets Have No Name" by U2, and "Africa" by Toto.

I enjoy Pandora Radio so much that I really wish I could listen to it in my car. It will surely relieve stress from one hour drive on highway to work.

quality of life

2009-09-20T16:19:00.000-07:00

A patient with tracheostomy who wishes to have a regular diet despite the risk of aspiration. A patient with dementia who has a strong desire to go home. A patient with multiple sclerosis who has little control over her muscle movements. A patient with severe cognitive deficits who has been receiving dialysis treatments.

Increased quality of life. That is what they deserve. And I am truly grateful to them for giving me an opportunity to help them achieve their goals. I humble myself when I see them. Their decision need to be respected, and I am determined to do anything I can as a professional.

who is the president of the United States of America?

2009-09-09T10:43:00.000-07:00

I am really, really disappointed at the following news article:
Texas school district that declined Obama speech will bus students to hear Bush.

It is not a choice between the two parties. We have one and only president at one time, whether he is democratic or republican. His intention is not to impose a "democratic" idea on kids, but to help every kid succeed at school. After all, isn't it Obama's responsibility as the president, providing children with good education so that they can reach their fullest potential? What's wrong with that? If we can't trust our president, who should we look up to?

We are entitled to freedom of speech, as far as the speech does not do any harm to others. I don't find Obama's speech is harmful at all. By the way, I am not democratic. I am not republican, either. Yet, I want to support Obama for what he has been doing to make the US better, lead the US in the right direction.

If you are fair-minded, you should be able to see a big picture about education. Children need to learn how to respect different opinions and become a good listener. They have a right to disagree and express opposing ideas, but need to do so in a good manner. The more they are given such opportunities, the more they will learn and the wiser they will become. I believe it is adult's responsibility to provide them with various opportunities to listen to different voices, as far as it is not harmful, not meant for brainwashing, or not meant for converting their religious belief.

"A Thousand Splendid Suns"

2009-09-07T19:34:00.000-07:00

The novel "A Thousand Splendid Suns" has proven that Khaled Hosseini is a gifted storyteller. The sentences are lyrical, exhibiting vivid image of each scene in full colors and strong voices. I wanted to keep reading to follow the story, but did not want to miss any detail so I deliberately slowed down to read word for word.

The life of Mariam and Laila, two Afghan women during the hardest time in Afghanistan, especially under the Taliban regime, is unthinkable. Women were deprived of human rights including pursing education and career. Many of them were forced to live like slaves. Husbands were protected by the law so that they could get away with the punishment even if they physically abused their wives to death. However, if women brought death to their husbands in the name of self defense, they were executed without fail. There had been no justice for women in Afghanistan for such a long time.

Thanks to Mariam and Laila, the readers learn what happened to women in Afghanistan during the reign of the Taliban. Their voices could be easily ignored, but they were persistent and resilient. Laila's wisdom and courage brought Mariam a chance to live her life to the fullest, and in return, Mariam's selfless love saved Laila from the disaster.

"Mariam is in Laila's own heart, where she shines with the bursting radiance of a thousand suns."

Mariam and Laila, your voices will reach every woman in every corner of the world and give them courage to live their own life. I will never forget what you have shown to us.

understanding different faith

2009-09-06T06:16:00.000-07:00

"S," one of my son's close friends, is Muslim, and he is fasting from dawn until sunset to celebrate Ramadan. During lunch at school, he will sit with his friends at cafeteria but will not eat or drink anything. I wonder if he ever gets tempted to have a bite of food. My son tells me that "S" is used to fasting since he has been practicing it in the month of Ramadan for a few years.

The other day, my son brought several friends of his including "S" to our house after skateboarding in the park. They quenched their thirst with water and one casually said "Oh, I am so hungry." Then, my son gently reminded him of "S"'s fasting, and the kids decided not to eat while "S" was with them.

I think "S" wouldn't mind his friends having some snack in front of him because he knows his friends have different religious belief that does not require them to do fasting. However, I am impressed by their open-mindness: to understand different faith and show respect for other cultures.

I can't help wondering why adults are having such a hard time understanding and accepting the differences in faith and cultures, if 14-year-old boys can do this......

job offer

2009-09-04T06:29:00.000-07:00

I finally got a job offer from a company managing SNFs (skilled nursing facility)!! The commuting is one hour highway drive, but I think I can manage it because I really like the facility! I am so excited about this opportunity and can't wait to start working!

"The Kite Runner"

2009-08-28T07:08:00.000-07:00

It is mesmerizing. The life beyond my imagination is there. In Afghanistan, prior to the Soviet invasion and the reign of the Taliban, the two boys share happy moments in spite of their differences in social status and ethnical backgrounds. "The Kite Runner" shows us a face of Afghanistan different from what we know through the media.

Amir, a wealthy boy from the dominant Pushtun ethnic group. Hassan, the son of Amir's father's servant Ali, who belongs to the minority Hazara. Their life centers around kite fighting. Hassan, a "kite runner," runs to fetch cut kites for Amir. Amir admires and is jealous of Hassan's gift, knowing where a cut kite falls without seeing it. Later, their friendship is to be broken off by one incident after the kite fighting.

I love the first part of the movie, the life in Afghanistan before Amir and his father escape to the US from the Soviet invasion. Rich people enjoy abundant luxury, living in a mansion with servants, often throwing parties to entertain their friends or business partners. It is so different from what we see on TV about the current situation in Afghanistan.

Amir adapts well to the US life, typical second generation of immigrants, while his father can't hide his strong attachment to his motherland. It is interesting to see how Amir and his father code switch between English and their native language. Their conversation flows while they go back and forth between the two languages. Code switching is very often observed among immigrants here. My family do code switch between Japanese and English when talking among ourselves. My Indian friends do so, back and forth between Hindi and English. My Chinese friends switch from Chinese to English, and vice versa. It is something we have already built a habit of and hard to change.

"The Kite Runner" played in theaters in Japan last year with a Japanese title "Kimi no tame nara senkai demo" （君のためなら千回でも）, literally means "For you, a thousand times over." That is what Hassan says to Amir when running to fetch the last cut kite for him as a great trophy. Hassan's loyalty and determination is nothing but heroic.

"The Brief History of the Dead"

2009-08-21T12:03:00.000-07:00

"The Brief History of the Dead" by Kevin Brockmeier has a strangely calming effect in spite of its setting: the dead are to remain in the "city" only if they are known to a woman, the sole survivor on earth after the pandemic virus killed people all over the world.

The experience of the dead in "the city" somewhat reminds me of reincarnation. In Buddhism, it is believed that a soul remains in the family home for 49 days after death, in other words, it takes 49 days for the soul to be reincarnated. And, of course, after the soul has completed its reincarnation process, he or she will remain forever in the memory of his/her family, relatives, friends, schoolmates, colleagues, acquaintance, or neighbors.

The afterlife, "the city," is described as a very fascinating place in this novel. Inhabitants achieve their dreams which they couldn't while they were alive, or they fall in love with someone who they never met on earth. Then, slowly they come to realize that their fate solely depends on the last person on earth, that they will remain in the city as far as they are within her memory.

What will happen to them if the last person on earth dies and crosses the boundary? The answer to the question will be revealed at the very end of the story.

I read this novel focusing on its hidden message: that the loved ones will be with you as far as you remember them; and that your personal relationships in your life will determine your afterlife experience.

articles (a, the) are so confusing!

2009-08-18T05:59:00.000-07:00

As I previously mentioned, Japanese don't change the form of nouns for singular or plural. For example, "kimono" should always be in a singular form "kimono" whether there is one or a hundred. "Kimonos" just doesn't sound right to me.

One of the rules in English grammar that I am having a hard time understanding is the use of articles "a" and "the." When I started taking the English language class at middle school back in Japan, I was genuinely surprised to know that English speakers switched noun forms between singular and plural depending on the quantity. I was overwelmed by the rule at first but gradually got used to it.

However, I have to admit that I am still not quite confident in using "a" or "the," especially when it comes to uncountable nouns. I remember we were taught at middle school that "a" was not used for uncountable nouns. Then, at high school, we learned there were a lot of exceptions to this rule. Yes, a lot of exceptions!!

"Courage" is uncountable, but people say "inspired with a new courage." Another uncountable abstract noun is "silence," which sometimes changes into countable like, "there was a silence for a while."

There are more uncountable abstract nouns that can also be countable depending on the context. "Hope" is uncountable in the sentence "where there is life, there is hope," or "I had little hope." But, you can also say "our hopes were dashed." "Mind" also can be uncountable in "mind and body," or countable in "great minds." Oh, no, I am really confused!

I am also told that "part of" and "a part of" are interchangeable as the both mean the same. So, either "it is part of health-care reform" or "it is a part of health-care reform" is fine. How confusing!

"Sky Burial"

2009-08-11T06:26:00.000-07:00

"Sky Burial is the result of years spent learning how to understand and feel Shu Wen's love, the spiritual life of Tibetans, and how different culture, time, life and death can be for different people." (from acknowledgments)

An astonishing woman, Wen is. Nothing could stop her looking for Kejun, her missing husband. The distance between Nanjing and Tibet. Three decades passing without any clue as to his whereabout. The difficulty of the journey during which she nearly lost her life. The differences in language, belief and custom between Chinese and Tibetans. Nothing. Nothing could weaken Wen's love for Kejun.

Instead, it grew stronger while she lived with a nomadic Tibetan family who rescued her and took care of her with warm hospitality. At the end of excruciatingly long and harsh journey, she learned what happened to her husband. Kejun's great sacrifice brought peace to Chinese and Tibetans in the region.

I feel awed by Tibetan spirituality.

"People place themselves entirely in the hands of heaven and nature. Even the mountains, waters, and plants speak of faith."

"Sky burial was merely another manifestation of the harmony in Tibet between heaven and earth, nature and man."

The image of the story is so vivid that I almost believed I was watching the movie. I wish this novel will be adapted to a film. Reading "Sky Burial" was definitely one of my best experiences, and I added it to my favorite book list.

vikas swarup's long-awaited novel

2009-08-08T17:28:00.000-07:00

A long-awaited second novel by Vikas Swarup, my favorite writer, has finally arrived!! You can read his interview in the following link: http://www.bookpage.com/books-10012044-Six+Suspects

I read his first novel "Q&A: A Novel" several years ago and was instantly drawn to his world. Last year the novel was adapted to the film "Slumdog Millionaire," which became a huge success. I watched the movie, but I honestly liked the novel better.

I can't wait to read his new novel "Six Suspects," though I just borrowed four books from a library today. The amazing thing about Vikas Swarup is that he is an Indian diplomat currently serves as India's Deputy High Commissioner in South Africa. How did he manage to find time to write the novel of 480 pages while having a full-time job? He says he will write as long as he feels he has stories to tell. I will be his faithful fan as long as he is a great storyteller!

"The Yokota Officers Club"

2009-08-06T09:34:00.000-07:00

A fantastic novel, "The Yokota Officers Club" by Sarah Bird, can be interpreted in many different ways, and I read it from the viewpoint of Japanese.

Bernie, an introvert military brat, has her first overseas experience in Tokyo, Japan when she is in elementary school; then gets an exciting opportunity to visit Tokyo again eight years later. The story is hilarious, adventurous, shocking, and heartbreaking. I enjoyed it from beginning to end.

Bernie shares the story about military families only an insider would know. I, an outsider, can't hide a complecated feeling about military bases in Japan. Her description of Tokyo and Okinawa is fascinating, and I am glad that Bernie makes best efforts to understand Japan and its people as much as an outsider can. Through the voice of a Japanese woman named Fumiko, the readers will learn what Japanese went through after the world war II. Everything was chaos in Tokyo where Fumiko struggled for survival.

Any war, even if it is called a war of justice, brings nothing but madness to people. We all know better than that.

"Castle"

2009-08-04T12:54:00.000-07:00

A man named Eric Loesch returns to his home town and purchases a piece of land to start his new life. Then, he learns that a tiny portion of his land belongs to someone whose name is blacked out. He explores the forest to find out about the mysterious piece of land and there he sees a huge castle.

Slowly reveals the secret of the caslte and its owner, as well as the relationship between the castle's owner and Eric. Eric also has a story to tell about the tragic death of his parents and an incident during his military service.

"Castle" by J. Robert Lennon is a uniquely haunting story, kind of psychological thriller to me.

Is Eric a victim of a mad psychologist who is tormented by the death of his daughter and wife? Or, is he a masterpiece that the psychologist has created, a real soldier with natural instinct and survival skills, which ordinary people have lost? In any case, what the psychologist has done to Eric in the name of experiment of behavior modification is so inhuman and cruel. Plainly unacceptable.

That is why Eric comes back to confront the psychologist and get rid of him, I thought. But, the ending comes as an unexpected blow.

meaning of the names

2009-08-03T11:57:00.000-07:00

"What is the meaning of the Japanese name 'Yumi'?" If I was asked such a question, I would ask in return, "what kanji, or Chinese characters, are used for the name?" Without this information, I have no way of telling its meaning.

Yumi, a name for Japanese girls, can be written in several different ways: 弓、由美、裕美、友美、夕実, etc, and each has a different meaning based on the kanji. While a single kanji of 弓 (yumi) means "archery bow," 由美 is combination of two kanji; 由 (yu) is "reason" and 美 (mi) "beautiful."　友実 consists of 友 (yu) meaning "friend" and 実 (mi) meaning "fruit."

My handle name "kay," or "kei" in Japanese romaji (Latin alphabet), can be 慶 (kei) meaning "celebrate," 敬 (kei) meaning "respect," 啓 (kei) meaning "open," or 恵 (kei) meaning "blessing."

Thus, a Japanese name written in Latin alphabet simply represents pronunciation of the name but does not convey any meaning itself. The sound of "Rika" can only tell me half about the person. But, once kanji is attached to it, like 莉香 meaning "fragrance of jasmine," her image becomes vivid and colorful. That's the magic of kanji.

healthy banana bread

2009-07-30T05:38:00.000-07:00

Banana bread is my family's all time favorite.

What you need is a few ripe bananas, 1/3 cup melted butter, 3/4 cup sugar (I like to use cane sugar), one egg, 1 teaspoon vanilla, 1 teaspoon baking soda, pinch of salt, and 1 1/2 cup of flour. It's very simple and easy, and tastes perfect!!

I tried several recipes found on internet, but the one below works best.

http://elise.com/recipes/archives/001465banana_bread.php
(thanks to simply recipes: http://www.simplyrecipes.com)

am I bilingual?

2009-07-28T06:57:00.000-07:00

I was born and grew up in Japan where I used Japanese only in daily life. English language was one of required subjects in middle school so I learned it as a second language. I was a curious teenager and enjoyed learning a foreign language that opened a door to the outside world, real exciting adventure. However, I had virtually no opportunity to use it in a practical sense until I started working upon graduation from a university. I knew my receptive language skills in English were good but my expressive language skills were limited. I loved reading English novels but didn't feel comfortable writing in English, even just short correspondence, not to mention speaking!

Japanese are known for their good receptive English (grammar or reading) skills and poor expressive English (speaking or writing) skills. And, I am one of them. That explains why I struggled so much with "real American English" for the first few years after we moved to this country.

Then, I asked myself, "am I truly bilingual?" Based on the definition of "bilingualism" as an ability to use two languages, I may be considered bilingual, but not well balanced between the two languages. My dominant language is Japanese, no doubt. I often find myself translating Japanese to English and vice versa in my mind when I talk or listen to English speakers. It is not easy for me to think and express myself in English. The good news is, few bilinguals are equally proficient in both languages. So, I am bilingual, even though I am not equally proficient in both languages.

"Hauting Bombay"

2009-07-21T07:02:00.001-07:00

In my childhood, we spent summer evenings listening to scary stories told by adults, feeling a cold chill down our spine. "Hauting Bombay" by Shilpa Agarwal is another scary story to be added to a summer reading collection. Actually, the story is more than a ghost story, it gives us a chill of fear about the real world.

The Indian culture, including religious belief and custom, is exotic and fascinating, but too complicated for outsiders to grasp its whole picture. Long time ago, I made a trip to north India where I heard the voices of people there, one of them revealed to me a dark side of its caste system. Here, I have several Indian American friends who share a lot of intriguing and incredible stories about their life back in India. The more I learn about India, the more I am lost in a maze.

The readers will be drown in the mystic sea of Bombay in 1960's, desparately search for the clues to find the truth deeply hidden in the bungalow. The real scary thing is not from otherworld, but it has been in the real world for a long, long time. It's alway been in people's mind, controlled by taboos, superstition and tradition.

"He had to save his child from a fate worse than death," a fate to live as an outcast, denied her humanity. But he and his mother never expected the consequence to be so devastating, never imagined that the ghost would haunt them all........

coexist

2009-07-20T12:28:00.000-07:00

The black T-shirt in the photo is the one I bought at UNICEF fair trade shop in Santa Cruz during my trip to central coast of California early this month. I like the design of the T-shirt, each logo representing: c=Islam, o=peace, e=male/female, x=Judaism, i=Wicca/Pagan/Bab/Bah’ai, s=Taoism/Confucianism, and t=Christianity.

I think the definition of coexist, "to exist separately or independently but peaceably," well describes the concept of "garden salad." We are in a huge salad bowl coexisting instead of melting or merging. It would be so nice if people in the world could coexist in a true sense, living together yet keeping comfortable distance from one another so as to avoid unnecessary tension. People may not fully understand cultures or faith different from theirs, but accept the differences and don't reject or harass others.

The above T-shirt as well as other "coexist" products are created by peacemonger.org.